wide eyed

tonight is one of those nights. you know the kind: you're dead tired but can't fall asleep because your brain has decided to ponder everything possible & remind you of how much you have to do tomorrow. from one thought to the next, you toss & turn trying to catch some shut eye. this is my current predicament.

but reading between the lines, or thoughts rather, i'm reminded of all the things i've been blessed with. people & possessions. experiences & circumstances. even simple things like gum & chapstick [two things i honestly can't live without].

i'm overwhelmed with how much God has blessed me. in no way do i deserve anything He has graciously bestowed upon me. it's so easy for me--and all of us--to forget our blessings in the midst of trials & bad situations we didn't see coming. instead of counting it all joy, we shake our fists & demand an answer from God as to why He's turned His back on us.

but He's still there. He's been there all along, from the time we failed to recognize the good in our lives as blessings from Him, to the time of trials that we refuse to acknowledge as building blocks in our relationship with Him. it's funny how we consider ourselves blessed only when things are going our way. but lately I've realized that even frustrating circumstances & unplanned events are blessings too-- in a different way, obviously, but joy can still be a result of such things.

sometimes it takes a storm in life for us to wake up & thank God for being in control of our lives. and sometimes it's just a moment late at night that our minds are blown with reminders of God's love and provision for us. whatever the case may be, stop time for a moment. make a list [mentally or on paper-- it's proven to release endorphins, so do it] of things or ways in which God has blessed you. i guarantee you'll be looking forward to seeing what God will do next.

i'm thankful for my life. i'm thankful for my crazy family, awkward situations i always seem to find myself in, & even sleepless nights like this when all i can do is lay in the dark & ponder all these things. i'm hopeful for what the future brings, for the blessings to come & even the hardships i must endure. but for now, i'm thankful for the tired feeling that just hit me. i think i'll wait to start my list until tomorrow.


he who can no longer pause to wonder & stand rapt in awe is as good as dead; his eyes are closed. --albert einstein