heartache four months overdue is still heartache

i'm almost tempted to leave this post blank for fear of writing slam poetry or hateful thoughts. i've complained my heart out only to hold down the backspace button until it all disappears. having a pity party does nobody any good, especially the hostess. so, rather than copy & paste song lyrics that seem to portray my current feelings [rolling in the deep, anyone? adele is a mastermind]... well, i'm not sure what i'll do instead. not sure what i'm doing even writing this post, because i know i'll just embarrass myself further. but... what the hey, it's a chance i'll take.

what i have been experiencing is something i never imagined in a million years would happen to me. funny how we have a perfect little life planned out for ourselves & then --BAM-- in an instant, it's shattered. gone. nothing more than a memory. God's way of reminding us that He has control of the wheel... i'm just along for the ride [total cliche, but carrie underwood did a fine job, don't you agree?]

nothing could have prepared me for the aftermath. sure, people go through this all the time. change is inevitable & heartbreak is expected. but still... the pain & loneliness is almost too much for my little self to handle. and the part that hurts the most? [thank you, rascal flatts for asking that rhetorical question which i feel compelled to answer]. feeling stuck in the same spot while the world moves on without noticing. it's like a continual slap in the face. but the funny thing is, people don't seem to realize [and/or care??] they're the ones doing the deed. it's at this point in my self-indulging buffet that i ask myself, does it even matter? why bother keeping up with those who have obviously moved on without me? they're happy & content... i have just as much a right to do the same. anddd there i go complaining. let's move along [courtesy of the all american rejects].

so much easier said than done. healing can be such a long process... but the road there is the journey that shapes us into who we are. it's what makes us unique, like snowflakes & puzzle pieces. the path left behind & the steps ahead are full of laughter, joy, pain, & sorrow. to fully experience joy, one must first face the fire. although complete opposites, they kind of go hand in hand. so, let's join hands & fight this battle together.

though my heart is so broken it seems impossible to pick up the pieces & make it whole again, i hold on to the hope that one day, i'll find joy. a happiness so vibrant it's contagious.

but a small part of me will always belong here... & every once in a while, i'll come back for a visit.

--never be sad for what is over, just be glad that it was once yours--