ramblings

you know the saying "distance makes the heart grow fonder"... or something like that. anyway, i'm smack in the middle of it. i miss so many things right now & have been for a while. sometimes i just catch myself staring into space realizing i have been reminiscing for the past 20 minutes. this year so far has been nothing like i expected. then again, my expectations haven't exactly been a good thing for me. i'm not meaning to complain at all, because i know everything happens for a reason & will turn out just as God has planned. but sometimes i wish i could go back in time & relive some of the best memories of my life. funny how the past always seems better.

i miss being 6 years old. on a good day, i would organize my dresser drawers by outfits only to realize all my clothes wouldn't fit that way. my OCD kicked in early.

i miss solid rock bible camp. i first rode a horse in 1st grade & was even in a rodeo. my horse didn't go around the barrel like he was supposed to, but we can keep that between you & me right?

i miss 4th grade. one of the best years of my life & yet the worst because my parents told us we were moving from alaska to washington state. i cried, i refused, i threw my round purple glasses on the floor. nevertheless, i gave in when my 10 year old brain processed that my parents wouldn't leave me in alaska. so i decided to give spokane a try. i haven't looked back since.

i miss junior high drama. PSYCH.

i miss basketball & coach bob. he always called me amy & told me i didn't know how to run, but i loved him just the same. i knew i had won when i could make him smile [either by making a basket or a stupid joke]

i miss costa rica. little did i know that my entire life would be changed just from those 10 days. i miss david more than he would care to know. i miss making new friends & finally feeling accepted for who i was. i miss eating rice & beans for breakfast & i miss doing construction on the church. i even miss the humidity & its affect on my uncontrollably curly hair, although i don't wish for that again.

i miss tennis. everything about it. ok, that's a lie but we'll just pretend i miss everything. i miss eating mangoes, listening to family force 5 in the many car rides, & planning the future with my best friends. we seemed indestructible back then.

believe it or not, i miss senior year. i've probably blocked out all the bad memories & if i had known i would've missed my last year of high school back then, i would've been horrified with myself. the future was unknown & terrifying, but i had so many good people in my life & that made everything bearable. besides, who doesn't want to play a silent nun in a murder mystery play?

i miss you. i miss writing lists about EVERYTHING, making up excuses to see each other, being called "the special friend," the rocket summer & doing homework in my front yard. i miss every single moment, good & bad, & have never regretted something so much in my life. aren't best friends supposed to last forever?

now that my eyes have started to glaze over, it's time to return to the present. life is a funny thing when you really think about it. but it's such a blessing. even those terrible moments eventually turn out good because they shape us into the people we are today. sometimes i hate the present & so badly want to return to the past. it's so much more comfortable & safe. but how will i know my full potential & really experience life if i hide in the shadows of yesterday? just like i did in 4th grade, i need to pick up my glasses [not really since i don't have any anymore but you get the idea] & take that step forward. there's an adventure out there calling my name, & i'm not about to miss it. time to move on to bigger & better things right? but if you ever catch me staring into space, don't worry. i'll come back to the present eventually.