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| Coffee + Gavin DeGraw + homework + blankets = Fall picnic |
Sunday
Friday
october 28th
 |
| Remember DJ Tanner from Full House? Yeah, she came to LU. Almost met her but she had to leave to catch her flight Also, her brother is Kirk Cameron. Small world |
Thursday
why
why don't people take me seriously. why don't they treat me like an adult. but why would they? i look like i'm 15, never say anything of immense importance, am shorter than most people's level of vision. i'm not an outstanding student, great athlete, or talented musician. just sarah. plain little sarah.
why is every dream a nightmare, taking me back to the days i wish i could forget. my heart is so raw from being stripped & left out in the cold. every night is the same. i think i've closed myself off for good, but it still controls me. always reminding me of what i had & what is now lost. i don't ever want to wake up because it means i'll have to go through it again.
why are the words "best friend" only true when you're 5. i surround myself with people i call friends, but sometimes i wonder where they are when i need them most. do they care that i feel trapped inside my own skin, that i put on a mask & pretend i actually like who i am.
why is my outward appearance so important to me. i refuse to miss a workout, & hate myself if i do. food controls me. it's a monster i can't run from so i don't even try. i just accept that that's the way it's going to be so i might as well try to enjoy it. but i don't. guilt haunts me with every bite.
why did i ever want to be a mom & wife. i don't even know if i want kids or a husband anymore, which scares me because that's all i ever wanted in life. a family to call my own. but my heart is made to wander. it's scared to stay in one place too long. i was born to flit & float, keeping happiness at arm's length.
why is love so heartbreaking. it's supposed to be the greatest emotion, the most wonderful feeling a human heart will ever experience. ha. the joke's on me. i hate love, hate that i gave it all, trusted it with everything i had, & fed it my dreams. what do i get in return? scars. ugly, jaded scars.
why do i listen to these lies & let them ruin my life. do i have more to offer than i actually believe? where is my passion? what are my desires? where is my love?
wherever my hope is.
no where.
why is every dream a nightmare, taking me back to the days i wish i could forget. my heart is so raw from being stripped & left out in the cold. every night is the same. i think i've closed myself off for good, but it still controls me. always reminding me of what i had & what is now lost. i don't ever want to wake up because it means i'll have to go through it again.
why are the words "best friend" only true when you're 5. i surround myself with people i call friends, but sometimes i wonder where they are when i need them most. do they care that i feel trapped inside my own skin, that i put on a mask & pretend i actually like who i am.
why is my outward appearance so important to me. i refuse to miss a workout, & hate myself if i do. food controls me. it's a monster i can't run from so i don't even try. i just accept that that's the way it's going to be so i might as well try to enjoy it. but i don't. guilt haunts me with every bite.
why did i ever want to be a mom & wife. i don't even know if i want kids or a husband anymore, which scares me because that's all i ever wanted in life. a family to call my own. but my heart is made to wander. it's scared to stay in one place too long. i was born to flit & float, keeping happiness at arm's length.
why is love so heartbreaking. it's supposed to be the greatest emotion, the most wonderful feeling a human heart will ever experience. ha. the joke's on me. i hate love, hate that i gave it all, trusted it with everything i had, & fed it my dreams. what do i get in return? scars. ugly, jaded scars.
why do i listen to these lies & let them ruin my life. do i have more to offer than i actually believe? where is my passion? what are my desires? where is my love?
wherever my hope is.
no where.
Wednesday
october 26th
 |
| Been so busy lately, taking pictures hasn't been my top priority [Obviously] Flowers--mini daisies? [love]--from my hammock excursion & a letter from miss hanna lea |
Sunday
Saturday
Wednesday
october 18th
 |
| Happy birthday, Lauren/Amelia Earhart! 3 free scoops of ice cream is a great reason to be born |
Monday
Saturday
october 15th
 |
| Chancellor Jerry Jr & his wife in the parade |
 |
| Katrina & I made gluten-free chocolate cake for tailgating Secret ingredient? Garbanzo beans! |
Thursday
october 12th
 |
| Made my own dinner & it was actually a success [Looks gross I know] Potato fries with bbq sauce Green pepper, cucumber, onion & tomato fried on a pita |
Monday
Saturday
october 7th
 |
| URBAN OUTFITTERS [stole my nonexistent paycheck] |
 |
| Carolina Hurricanes hockey game Last row in the nosebleeds --totally the best view [Kid Rock was also in attendance] |
Friday
Thursday
Wednesday
Monday
october 2nd
 |
| Three things: 1] This picture has no significance to my day. I tend to take pictures of my shoes when I run out of ideas. 2] But these shoes are new. I finally came upon a pair of Gap flats in my size [YAY] 3] The red arrow made me want to find a thought provoking quote about direction. But in all honesty, I just think it's cool. |
Saturday
wide eyed
tonight is one of those nights. you know the kind: you're dead tired but can't fall asleep because your brain has decided to ponder everything possible & remind you of how much you have to do tomorrow. from one thought to the next, you toss & turn trying to catch some shut eye. this is my current predicament.
but reading between the lines, or thoughts rather, i'm reminded of all the things i've been blessed with. people & possessions. experiences & circumstances. even simple things like gum & chapstick [two things i honestly can't live without].
i'm overwhelmed with how much God has blessed me. in no way do i deserve anything He has graciously bestowed upon me. it's so easy for me--and all of us--to forget our blessings in the midst of trials & bad situations we didn't see coming. instead of counting it all joy, we shake our fists & demand an answer from God as to why He's turned His back on us.
but He's still there. He's been there all along, from the time we failed to recognize the good in our lives as blessings from Him, to the time of trials that we refuse to acknowledge as building blocks in our relationship with Him. it's funny how we consider ourselves blessed only when things are going our way. but lately I've realized that even frustrating circumstances & unplanned events are blessings too-- in a different way, obviously, but joy can still be a result of such things.
sometimes it takes a storm in life for us to wake up & thank God for being in control of our lives. and sometimes it's just a moment late at night that our minds are blown with reminders of God's love and provision for us. whatever the case may be, stop time for a moment. make a list [mentally or on paper-- it's proven to release endorphins, so do it] of things or ways in which God has blessed you. i guarantee you'll be looking forward to seeing what God will do next.
i'm thankful for my life. i'm thankful for my crazy family, awkward situations i always seem to find myself in, & even sleepless nights like this when all i can do is lay in the dark & ponder all these things. i'm hopeful for what the future brings, for the blessings to come & even the hardships i must endure. but for now, i'm thankful for the tired feeling that just hit me. i think i'll wait to start my list until tomorrow.
he who can no longer pause to wonder & stand rapt in awe is as good as dead; his eyes are closed. --albert einstein
but reading between the lines, or thoughts rather, i'm reminded of all the things i've been blessed with. people & possessions. experiences & circumstances. even simple things like gum & chapstick [two things i honestly can't live without].
i'm overwhelmed with how much God has blessed me. in no way do i deserve anything He has graciously bestowed upon me. it's so easy for me--and all of us--to forget our blessings in the midst of trials & bad situations we didn't see coming. instead of counting it all joy, we shake our fists & demand an answer from God as to why He's turned His back on us.
but He's still there. He's been there all along, from the time we failed to recognize the good in our lives as blessings from Him, to the time of trials that we refuse to acknowledge as building blocks in our relationship with Him. it's funny how we consider ourselves blessed only when things are going our way. but lately I've realized that even frustrating circumstances & unplanned events are blessings too-- in a different way, obviously, but joy can still be a result of such things.
sometimes it takes a storm in life for us to wake up & thank God for being in control of our lives. and sometimes it's just a moment late at night that our minds are blown with reminders of God's love and provision for us. whatever the case may be, stop time for a moment. make a list [mentally or on paper-- it's proven to release endorphins, so do it] of things or ways in which God has blessed you. i guarantee you'll be looking forward to seeing what God will do next.
i'm thankful for my life. i'm thankful for my crazy family, awkward situations i always seem to find myself in, & even sleepless nights like this when all i can do is lay in the dark & ponder all these things. i'm hopeful for what the future brings, for the blessings to come & even the hardships i must endure. but for now, i'm thankful for the tired feeling that just hit me. i think i'll wait to start my list until tomorrow.
he who can no longer pause to wonder & stand rapt in awe is as good as dead; his eyes are closed. --albert einstein
october 1st
 |
| Postcard perfect. My gramps is a total beach bum but my grandma redefines classy They say opposites attract |
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